Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye
by DiBye
Summary: "She shut her eyes tightly and she willed the tears away. She wished she could stay. She really, really wished she could stay." Hanna/Emily, Slash
1. We Kissed

Authors Note: This is a Hanna/Emily slash fic. It centers around the idea of Emily movie and Hanna having a hard time accepting that. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!

**Goodnight, Not Goodbye**

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"You could stay at my house, in the guest room."

"Hanna…" Emily sighed tiredly. She had come to terms with the fact that she would be moving away. She had cemented the idea in her mind and let her heart mourn the loss of her familiar friends and home. It had been a difficult pill to swallow, but she had done it. The last thing she needed was false hope, urging her to purge acceptance.

"My mom would say yes, I know she would," Hanna argued.

"I couldn't," Emily replied shortly, quietly.

"Caleb stayed with us, and he isn't half as important to me as you are. My mom loves you Em, this could work," Hanna's voice pleaded with Emily. The two girls were sitting on the floor of Emily's room, surrounded by boxes and bags. Hanna had shown up hours ago, intending to help Emily pack. But her intentions had been overridden by her desire to convince Emily to stay.

"You and your mom have enough going on, you don't need something else to worry about," Emily fidgeted with a roll of packing tape and kept her eyes cast downward.

"Em, you're my friend. I need you here with me," Hanna didn't bother hiding the desperation in her plea. She'd spent enough time pretending to be okay with everything. Her heart had broken a little more with each box she sealed. She couldn't pretend anymore. Time was running out and she didn't know how to be anything other than honest.

"I should be with my family," her reply sounded halfhearted, even to her own ears. Hanna, Aria, and Spencer were her family. She knew that. But she also knew that sometimes life wasn't fair. Sometimes life really freaking hurt.

"But things are so messed up right now. It isn't- it isn't right for you to leave," Hanna slammed her hand against the floor in frustration. Emily's eyes snapped up just long enough to register the tears shining in her blue orbs. She looked away, unable to stand it.

Not knowing how to answer, Emily simply shook her head and swallowed hard. She quickly taped the box in front of her and waited for the hurt to pass. "We're stronger together," Hanna continued in a soft whisper. Emily wasn't sure if Hanna was talking about the four of them as a group, or the two of them as a pair. But as she felt her hand covered with Hanna's own, all thoughts left her mind. She let the tape fall from her hand and squeezed Hanna's fingers desperately.

"If I could stay… I would," she finally said. Hanna slid their fingers together and scooted closer to Emily. The heat radiating from her body made the brunette flush.

"Stay," Hanna whispered, her voice barley audible. If they hadn't been sitting so close, almost on top of each other, then Emily would have pretended not to hear it. But she did hear it. And Hanna knew she heard it.

"Don't make this hard," Emily begged her.

"But this is hard. It's hard Em. Or at least it is for me," she replied, her words lifting with hints of bitterness.

"You think this isn't hard for me?" Emily snapped, ripping her hand away from Hanna's smaller one. Wiping furiously at her cheeks and eyes, Hanna shook her head and refused to answer. "I'm the one who has to leave everything I know and love behind. This is hard for me Hanna, but I have to be realistic," she continued bluntly.

"You won't even ask to stay. You aren't even trying!" Their voices were rising steadily.

"Because I can't. I can't stay. And I'm not going to hope for something that will never happen. I can't stay!" she yelled. Had she had the sense to think about it, Emily would have been glad to note that her house was currently empty.

"You don't know that," Hanna argued, standing up and turning to look for her purse.

"You're leaving?" Emily stood and brushed the dust from her legs.

"I can't sit here and pretend to be okay with this," she replied, grabbing hold of her purse. Breathing heavily, Hanna walked to the door.

"You're just leaving? Just like that, just because you don't get your way?" Emily cried, her eyes stinging with tears. Hanna's hand paused on the door know and she whipped around to face Emily.

"Yes. I'm leaving. I want you to stay Emily! I want you stay here with me. But you can't, or you won't, and it's too hard. It's too hard," she finished, her lip quivering. Tears fell down her cheeks and she looked away from Emily, focusing instead on a bare wall.

"Stay," Emily told her quietly, her eyes never leaving Hanna's form.

"Only if you will," she replied. It was this statement, this moment, that finally broke Emily. She let out a quiet sob and covered her face with her hands, finally allowing the tears to come. Inhaling deeply she turned away from Hanna, hiding her face.

"Em…" Hanna's spoke clearly, her tone questioning and comforting at the same time.

"I don't want to leave," Emily cried, using her sleeves to wipe at her wet eyes. She heard Hanna's footsteps approach her slowly. Finally she felt Hanna slide a hand in the space between her shoulder and neck. Her fingers grazed the exposed skin of Emily neck, she rubbed the spot gently.

"Come here," Hanna finally said, pulling her gently backwards. Emily didn't turn around, but she did allow Hanna to pull her back. She felt her body stumble into Hanna's own. Hanna's hand left her shoulder and snaked around her waste securely. Hanna pressed into her even more and she rested her face against Emily's back. They stayed like that for a moment, both crying silently. Eventually Hanna let her fingers slide under the hem of Emily's shirt and press into the bare skin of her side.

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you," Hanna whispered against Emily's back. Slamming her eyes shut tightly, Emily felt her heart shatter.

She had never wanted anything or anyone more than she wanted Hanna in this moment. The feeling hit her all at once. She didn't know what she wanted from Hanna, she didn't know what it meant. She just knew that she wanted her there, with her, always. Touching her and filling her with something she never knew existed. It didn't have a name, it didn't have a place, it just… was.

"I love you," Emily choked. She said it because she meant it, she said it because she didn't know what else to say. The words weren't exactly right, they weren't enough. But they were all she had.

"I love you," Hanna replied, her breath hitching with sadness. Feeling Hanna's wet tears soak through the thin fabric of her shirt, Emily finally turned around. The space between them was brief and it took only seconds for them to wrap each other in a tight embrace. Emily let her head drop into the side of Hanna's neck. She pressed her nose against the bare skin and reveled in the feeling of closeness. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Hanna said sniffling. Emily held her tighter.

"I'm sorry too," she replied. After a moment Emily felt Hanna pull away. She reluctantly let go and wiped her eyes. Hanna did the same, they caught each other's gaze and began to chuckle,

"Look at us, we're a mess," Hanna laughed. She reached out and wiped a smudge of mascara off of Emily's cheek. Emily caught her hand before it could drop, she brought it close to her chest and held it in both of her own.

"You're my best friend Hanna, you know that right?" She asked. And suddenly it was important, so important, for Hanna to believe that.

"If my mom talked to your mom, maybe…" Hanna trailed off hopelessly. Emily just shook her head, still clutching Hanna's small hand.

"This sucks," she finally breathed. Hanna nodded.

"You'll visit?" The blonde averted her eyes and held back tears.

"As much as I can," Emily promised.

"And we can come see you?" She added as an afterthought.

"Whenever you want," she replied.

"How about you just pack me in one of these boxes, then you can take me with you," Hanna spoke, smiling just a little. Emily laughed out loud at that, her mind filled with the image of Hanna squeezed into a box.

"I'm gonna miss you," Emile smiled sadly, biting her lip and staring at Hanna with unwavering eyes. She would miss them all. The four of them had finally gotten back what they had lost. And most days, it seemed as if it were stronger now than ever. She would miss them all so much. But she would miss Hanna the most.

**00000 00000 00000 **

"Em? Em, are you awake,"

"No,"

"You are!" Hanna swatted her arm sharply.

"Ow," Emily rubbed her arm and squinted into the dark. It was late, and Hanna had stayed the night at Emily's. Even in the dark, Emily's room felt empty, containing only her bed and a few boxes of necessities. She wasn't leaving for 4 days, but her parents wanted things to be in order.

"Do you remember the first time we ever got drunk?" Hanna whispered, ignoring Emily's disinterest in talking. The girls were laying next to each other, their arms touching just slightly. Emily felt Hanna turn her body on its side and face her.

"You were drunk, I was tipsy," she corrected. She sat up a little, knowing that Hanna wasn't going to give up any time soon. She might as well take this walk down memory lane somewhat willingly.

"I saw you, I saw you give Allison a… look," she seamed unsure of her words.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked, stiffening at the mention of Allison's name. She had so many mixed feelings about the girl she used to dream of.

"I don't know. I was drunk, so I didn't really think about it much. But you were looking at her like, like you wanted to touch her," Hanna paused to see if Emily would respond. The brunet remained silent. "Is that how you felt? Like you wanted to reach out and touch her," she continued. Emily thought about ignoring her, staying quiet and letting the silence consume them. But this was Hanna, she could talk to Hanna.

"I- I guess, I felt like I _needed _to touch her. Like I wasn't breathing, not really, until I felt her," she finally said, shutting her eyes and trying to ignore the way Hanna's arm against her own sent shivers down her spine.

"And when she would look at you, you caught your breath?" Hanna asked, her voice letting Emily know that she understood the feeling. Emily nodded into the darkness.

"With Caleb, was it, was it like that?" She finally asked, desperately trying not to hate the taste of Caleb's name in her mouth.

"No," she replied softly. "I think, I'm pretty sure I loved him. But it wasn't like that," she finished.

"Have you ever felt that, with anyone?" Emily finds herself asking the question before she can really think about it.

"I don't know, maybe I… I don't know," she responds quietly. Quieter than before even. And she sounded like she wants to say something else, but Emily can't imagine what it could be. "What about you? Was it just Allison or…"

"I don't know, um… I don't know either," she took a deep breath and continued. "I still miss Allison but, I don't think we were in love. Not like, real love. I don't think love is supposed to make you feel so bad. Not all the time, not like I felt with Allison," she finished. She felt exposed and unsure. But Hanna slipped her hand into Emily's and held on tightly, and suddenly she felt okay.

"Em… we'll always be friends no matter what, right?" she questioned, her hand tightening it's grip around Emily's own.

"Of course," she replied. She turned to face Hanna, wondering where her question had come from.

"No matter what?" she asked again.

"Hanna…" she trailed off when she felt Hanna's other hand rest gently on her hip. It burned through her pajamas and imprinted upon her skin.

"I just, before you leave I need to do something," she spoke clearly and seamed to have made her mind up about something.

"Okay," Emily could barley hear her own whisper. Her heart was beating so quickly, she felt as if she might whimper out loud.

"I don't know how to tell you, I just, I don't know. This is hard. But I have to do this, I feel like if I don't…" she was nervous now. Still determined, but nervous. Emily reached out and felt the strands of Hanna's wavy hair. She tugged gently on them and leaned in.

"It's okay," Emily told her, breathing quick and hot. Hanna let go of Emily's hand and awkwardly maneuvered it up to the brunet's neck. And though a part of Emily knew it was coming, she still felt her heart jump to her throat in surprise.

Hanna's nose bumped clumsily against her own. Their lips hovered closely for a long moment before Hanna finally ducked her head further and pressed her mouth against Emily's. They both stayed still for a moment, trying to quiet the buzzing in their veins. But when Hanna felt her chest tighten painfully, she finally moved her lips against Emily's. They pressed more closely together and Emily parted her lips, sucking gently on Hanna's bottom lip. Hanna gasped at the bolt of pleasure that shot through her body.

"Hanna, I-" Emily pulled away slightly, foggy with lust and confusion. But before she could say another word, Hanna captured her mouth again. This time the blonde was less unsure, she applied more pressure and let her teeth graze Emily's lips with desperate desire.

Emily heard herself moan quietly. The noise was like a beacon, leading her through the fog and back to reality. She gently pushed Hanna away. "We can't," she muttered, more to herself than to the girl in her arms.

"Em, I just…" Hanna took a loud breath. In the dark Emily could see her eyes shining.

"I know. I know, but we shouldn't. I'm leaving in 4 days," she reminded them both.

"Four days," Hanna repeated. "And every day, every second that brings you closer to leaving… it feels like I'm suffocating Emily."

"This won't fix it Hanna," she reasoned. Hanna's hand clutched at the fabric of Emily's shirt.

"We kissed," she said it as though Emily may not have been aware. "We kissed and, and it felt like I finally caught my breath," she explained. As the words sunk into her heart, Emily didn't know how she could possibly turn Hanna away. At the same time, she didn't want them to do something when the time wasn't right, just because they were upset.

Calming her heart and her hormones as well, Emily did the only thing she could think to do. She slid her arm under Hanna's waste and pulled her forward. She reached down and grasped the hand that Hanna was using to clutch her shirt. Disentangling it, she brought it up to rest in the center of her chest. Hanna let her head rest against Emily's shoulder and draped her leg just slightly over Emily's own. They molded together perfectly, melting into the spaces that had once been so empty.

"Goodnight Hanna," Emily whispered. She shut her eyes tightly and she willed the tears away. She wished she could stay. She really, really wish she could stay.

**00000 00000 00000**


	2. It's Complicated

Authors Note: I had originally intended for this story to be a one shot. But I think I'll continue it, at least for now. I'm not sure how long it'll end up being. Pease review and let me know what you think of it. I appreciate comments greatly! This chapter is a little shorter than the last because I didn't want to mess with the flow. Thanks so much for reading!

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**Chapter Two : It's Complicated**

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"Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, hey! Aria, turn that back on," Hanna glared at her friend and reached over to turn the radio back on.

"No. No more Super Bass. I'm cutting you off," Aria replied, swatting the blonde's hand away from the radio dial.

The drab pavement rushed past as Aria quickly navigated through small side streets. The sun was low and would soon disappear in the darkening ski. There was a slight breeze in the air, ruffling at Hanna's golden hair and tickling Aria's pert nose.

"Emily always lets me listen to the whole song," Hanna wined, her lip jutting out dramatically.

"I'm sorry but, I can only listen to you rap so many times. You miss half the words anyway," she pointed out logically. Aria reached out and flipped through the radio stations as Hanna continued to pout.

"Emily doesn't mind when I miss the words," she muttered.

"Hanna, if you use the Emily excuse one more time…" Aria warned. She knew that Hanna was upset because Emily was leaving. But she also knew that Hanna was being dramatic about things, as per usual.

"I don't even want to go to this stupid sleepover," the blonde grumbled miserably.

"Yes you do. You just don't want to say goodbye to Em. None of us do," Aria replied, reaching out to pat Hanna's arm. The girls were on their way to Spencer's house, where they would have one last sleepover before Emily left.

"I don't know how to say goodbye," Hanna whispered sadly. Aria looked at the blonde briefly, taking in her downcast eyes and slouching shoulders. With a quiet sigh, Aria reached out and backtracked the radio until the car began vibrating with a gentle beat.

"Go ahead," she told Hanna with a small smile. Hanna's eye brightened as the sound of Super Bass filled the car yet again. "Boom badoom, boom, boom," Aria began to sing. Hanna laughed and sat up a bit.

"Badoom, boom," the girls sang together, Hanna tapping her feat rhythmically. "He got that super bass," she sang loudly. The dark emotions that had been swirling throughout the car were soon drown out by off key notes and musical laugher. It was easier to enjoy what they had now, then to dwell on what they would soon lose.

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"Who wants more ice cream?" Hanna jumped up and held her empty bowl in the air. Spencer leaned back and groaned.

"None for me," she muttered, rubbing her stomach. Aria shook her head in concurrence.

"I think I broke my belly," she quietly pondered. Emily laughed and stood up, walking to Hanna's side.

"I could use another scoop," she smiled. Hanna caught Emily's eye and bit her lip, smiling just slightly.

"Shall we?" she asked, holding out her arm gallantly. Emily giggled and linked her arm with Hanna's own. With the sound of Aria and Spencer groaning behind them, the girls made their way down to the kitchen.

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"This is the first time we've been alone since…" Emily trailed off unsurely. She looked down, feeling stupid for mentioned the night they had spent together.

"Since we kissed?" Hanna supplied, smiling lightly. "You can say the words Em, it happened and I'm not going to pretend it didn't," she assured the brunette.

"Yeah. It did happen," Emily agree, blushing prettily. Hanna began scooping ice cream into her bowl, looking up briefly to see the red of Emily's cheeks.

"I don't regret it," she said after a moment. She knew that Emily must have been afraid of what would happen next, of how the kiss would affect their friendship. But Hanna wasn't the type to run scared, not from something she felt so strongly about.

"Good," Emily whispered in return. "I just, it changes things. Right?" she continued, looking nervous.

"Only if we want it to," Hanna replied, putting away the ice cream and dropping the scoop in the sink.

"I don't know, I feel like I don't know anything anymore," Emily admitted, chuckling bitterly.

"We're best friends, we kissed, you're moving, and it's complicated. I get that. I'm not asking for anything Em." Hanna leaned against the counter, looking more mature than Emily could ever remember her looking. She was standing in front of Emily, fearless and honest. She had never been more beautiful.

"So we can just leave things… open?" Emily wondered unsurely.

"Undefined," Hanna agreed, walking around the counter to stand beside Emily.

"Can I…" Emily pause, feeling breathless. "Can I kiss you?" she asked, her voice catching at the end. Hanna's eyes widened at the bold question, but she quickly replied with a small nod.

Hanna felt her nerves tingle with anticipation. Emily leaned forward slowly, her eyes locked diligently on Hanna's parted lips. The kitchen buzzed as time seemed to slow, and Emily moved slowly to bridge the gap between the two girls. Finally, finally her lips found their way to Hanna's own.

"What are you two doing down there?" Spencer called from upstairs. The girls sprang apart, laughing quietly. They could still feel a slight tingle on their lips, though they had only touched for a moment.

"Coming queen Hastings," Hanna's yelled in reply. She caught Emily's downward gaze and quickly took the brunette's hand.

With a solid tug, she pulled Emily's body to her own. She took hold of her neck with her free hand and pulled her forward even more. Leaning up, Hanna placed a sound kiss on Emily's mouth. Their lips moved against each other firmly, applying pressure and fighting for power. Hanna's own confidence had pushed Emily to be bold. With one final peck, the girls moved apart and smiled openly at one another.

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"Let's play a game!"

"Let's not," Spencer replied, rolling her eyes.

"Don't be a party pooper Spence," Hanna warned, poking the taller girl in the arm. The girls were sprawled around Spencer room, bottles of alcohol and bowls of food littered carelessly. The innocence of ice cream and movies had been left behind hours ago, and Hanna had pull out sever bottle of her favorite party favors.

"Yeah Spence," Aria giggle, feeling the effects of her second rum and coke.

"Your games are never fun," she whined, glaring at Hanna.

"Let's take a vote," Aria suggested brightly. She set her cup down and sat up straight, doing her best to look official. "All in favor of playing a fun game?"

"Me!" Hanna giggled, shooting her hand up. Emily laughed at her friend and shook her head, still sipping her vodka and cranberry juice.

"Me," Aria said, raising her own and waving it frantically.

"Not me," Spencer said, crossing her arms stubbornly.

"Em…" Aria prodded.

"I don't know," she answered.

"Come on! Please Em," Hanna popped her bottom lip out and gave her best puppy look.

"Hey! Foul, I call foul. No pleading looks!" Spencer called, pointing accusingly.

"The ref deems the puppy look to be fair," Aria called. Emily laughed and looked around at her friends, knowing that she would never find anything like what she had in this room at this moment.

"Okay, okay fine. I'm in," she agreed.

"Yes!" Hanna cried, grabbing Emily's arm and raising it in the air.

"Woo!" Aria cheered, raising her glass and smiling widely.

"Foul!" Spencer continued to chant.

Nothing could ever compare to this. This moment. These girl. Emily willed her smile to remain in place as she felt the tears prick at her eyes. She didn't know how she was going to say goodbye to this.

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After several attempts at truth or dare, and a failed round of "Go Fish", the girls had finally given up on the games and settled into comfortable positions to talk.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Caleb didn't leave?" Aria asked Hanna. Emily looked at the blonde curiously, wondering if the alcohol would tempt an honest answer.

"No," Hanna replied shortly. The girl looked at her expectantly. She eventually rolled her eyes and continued, "I'll never forget Caleb. But we don't have a future together," she finished.

"So what? He served his purpose?" Aria asked, giggling at her words.

"Shut up," Hanna said, throwing a pillow at the brunette.

"No, I think I know what Hanna means. It's like with Wren, what we had could never have lasted. But it was… special," she admitted.

"Did you and Wren have sex?" Hanna asked suddenly. Spencer 's mouth dropped open and Aria laughed out loud. Emily covered her own laughter with a hand and looked away.

"Hanna!" Spencer exclaimed.

"What? He was really hot, and you said he was…special," she giggled.

" I am not answering that," she refused determinedly.

"She totally did," Emily piped up knowingly.

"Oh yeah, she hit that," Aria added. Shooting Aria a surprised look, Spencer reached out and took the smaller girl's cup.

"That's enough of that for you," she warned, setting the alcohol aside.

"The better question is this," Aria began, unaffected by her lack of drink. "Has Emily ever had sex with a guy?" she finished.

"Oh yeah, have you Em? Or have you only done stuff with girls?" Spencer asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Hanna remained quiet and let her gaze flitter across Emily's long form.

"Um…" she looked down nervously.

"It's okay, you don't have to answer," Spencer added quickly.

"Yes she does," Aria exclaimed.

"No she doesn't," Hanna growled, nudging Aria.

"I will, I mean, I might as well. If I can't talk to my best friends about this stuff, who can I talk to?" she assured them. "I um, I've never had sex with a guy. I've never even wanted to," she explained.

"But with girls?" Hanna asked quietly.

"Yeah, yeah. With Maya…" she replied. Aria and Spencer smiled and "awed" at her admittance. Hanna tried to smile but she felt a pit of something cold in her gut; jealously.

"Was it good," she found herself asking.

"Hanna," Emily turned to her, frowning slightly.

"That's a little personal," Spencer chuckled, unaware of the tension between the two girl. Emily kept her eyes trained on Hanna's face, but the blonde refused to say anything more.

"I uh…" Emily began to speak, knowing that she needed to answer, even if Hanna had asked at the wrong place and the wrong time. "It felt right. Begin with a girl, and being with Maya. But that was then…" she explained.

"And now?" Hanna asked, still not looking satisfied with the response.

"Maya's gone. And I missed her for a long time. But now that I'm leaving, now that I'm leaving all of you… it doesn't seem… I don't know. I missed Maya, but it doesn't compare to the way I'm gonna miss you," her words indicated that she was speaking about all of them, but her eyes locked with Hanna and her meaning was clear.

The girls remained silent for a moment, all of them letting the weight of things sink in. It was easy to laugh and drink and be silly. It was easy to pretend that this was just another sleepover. But it wasn't. Emily was leaving, and they were all terrified about what that would mean for them.

Because it would mean something. And it would change everything.

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	3. Best Friend Ever

Authors Note: So this chapter was kind of a filler. I needed to have Emily move, because it pushes the Hanna/Emily relationship in the direction that I want it to go in. But I needed the move to happen fast because I'm only going to have her be gone for a few chapters. So I don't know how this turned out. Let me know what you think! Comment please! Thank you for reading!

**Chapter 3 - Best Friend Ever**

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"Em, Em wake up. Emily!"

"Hanna?" Emily mumbled in confusion. She squinted her eyes open and saw her friend leaning over her, hair tousled and makeup smudged.

"Get up!" she urged, yanking Emily's hand.

"Why?" Emily groaned loudly. Hanna shoved her hand over Emily's mouth and widened her eyes. She looked around to see that Aria and Spencer were still sound asleep.

"Quiet. Come with me," she whispered. She removed her hand from Emily's mouth and held it in front of her. Emily stared at the blonde for a moment before finally resting her own hand in Hanna's smaller one. Hanna smiled gently and tugged Emily up from her sleeping position. Emily held on to one of her blankets and wrapped it securely around her as she stood up.

"Where are we going?" she asked quietly as Hanna lead her out of Spencer's room. Hanna didn't answer, she simply pulled Emily through the hallway and down the stairs. When they reached the front door, Emily paused in confusion. "Hanna!"

"The sun is about to rise," she finally replied, pulling on Emily's hand with out waiting for another word. The girls quietly made their way onto the porch and settled on the steps. Emily offered Hanna part of her blanket and they cuddled together comfortably.

"I never took you for a sunrise kind of girl," Emily mentioned after a moment. Hanna giggled softly and tucked her head against Emily's shoulder.

"I'm not. But you are," she answered with a shrug. Emily swallowed hard, her throat suddenly feeling dry and raw.

"Today is the day," she muttered miserably.

"In a few minutes, when the sun comes up… I'm gonna leave," Hanna cleared her throat when she finished. She cleared it once more as Emily looked at her in disbelief.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I couldn't sleep all night Em. I just, stared at the ceiling… and at you. I can't put this off any more. This, this is goodbye. And it's killing me," she admitted. Emily turned her head and nudged Hanna's from her shoulder. She searched the other girl's eyes and found a longing that was so intense it would have brought her to her knees had she not been sitting.

"It's killing me too," she replied.

"I know. And I know that putting it off will only make things worse," she nodded to herself. Emily nodded along with her and the girls looked to the sky. They watches as the colors morphed and lightened, the sky contrasting with the dark feelings in their gut.

"I don't know what to say," Emily whispered as the sky grew brighter. "How do we…"

"I love you. Em, I love you so much. And I know that things between us have become complicated. But you are my best friend and that will never change. I promise," Hanna spoke with tears in her eyes. Emily smiled through her own tears and rested her forehead against Hanna's.

"When did you become so articulate?" Emily asked quietly. Hanna placed her hands gently on Emily's face and kissed her soundly on the lips.

"I told you, I was awake all night. I had some time to think about what I wanted to say," she chuckled. Emily placed her hands over Hanna's and nudged her head forward, bumping their noses together.

"I can't even piece together full thoughts," she replied, shaking her head softly.

"I don't need full thoughts," Hanna assured her.

"Your hair is soft," Emily sniffled, her hands moving to burry themselves in the golden locks. "You snort when you laugh hard, I think it might be my favorite sound. When you touch me, I feel like I'm on fire… or maybe falling into the sky. Three years ago I cheated off of you in English, I didn't have time to study and you were sitting next to me. You're smarter than you think you are. Your prettier than you think you are. And you're brave. So brave. You make me feel okay with myself, like I'm exactly how I'm supposed to be," Emily paused to take a breath. She could feel warm tears sliding down her cheeks and mixing with Hanna's own.

"Em…" Hanna breathed shakily.

"I love you. I love you so much. You lips, your eyes, the way you never sing the right words to songs but you always sing at the top of your lungs. I love you. I love you," she repeated steadily, like it was the only thing that mattered.

"I know," Hanna whispered, interrupting any further words with a kiss. Their lips met roughly, pushing and pulling in all the right ways. It was soft and firm, it was a whisper of everything they felt. It was all the things they couldn't put into words, and it still wasn't enough.

"Call me when you get there," Hanna panted, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"Don't leave yet," Emily choked.

"I'm gonna walk home, before Aria and Spence wake up," she explained.

"This sucks," Emily replied, her words ringing with despair.

"Yeah," Hanna nodded. She leaned in and kissed Emily quickly before disentangling herself from the blanket and standing up.

"I'll call you," Emily said, standing up as well. She hugged the blanket to her body as Hanna walked down the steps.

"Promise?" Hanna forced a smile and walked backwards towards the sidewalk.

"Promise," Emily nodded. She watched her walk down the sidewalk for a moment before rushing down the steps and calling out.

"Hanna!" she yelled, her voice not alarmingly loud, but loud enough to get the blonde's attention. "I'm glad you kissed me. That night. I'm glad you kissed me," she bit her lip as the blonde stared at her.

"Of course you are," Hanna finally replied, laughing lightly. "Best kiss ever," she added nodding and bouncing on her heels.

"Best friend ever," Emily called back softly. Hanna nodded and brought a hand to her lips. She softly blew Emily a kiss before turning back around and making her way down the street. Emily held her own hand to her lips, imagining the feel of Hanna's mouth. She shut her eyes, unable to watch Hanna's retreating form, but unable to walk away

"Best friend ever," she whispered to herself.

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"Honey, I know this is hard…"

"I don't want to talk about it mom," Emily replied. She pushed herself further into her seat and stared out the window.

Saying goodbye had been hard. More than hard really. Aria and Spencer had exchanged unsure looks when she'd told them about Hanna leaving early. But Hanna was always one for the dramatics, so the explanation passed without much question. Emily had practically been a zombie throughout her goodbyes with the two brunette's. Her emotions were spent from her earlier farewell with Hanna.

"I think this will be good for us," her mother tried again. Sighing in annoyance, Emily yanked open her purse and searched for the book she had brought with her.

"I'm gonna read," she muttered briefly. The tone of her voice suggested that she would walk across hot coals if it meant ending the conversation with her mother. Choosing to take the hint, Mrs. Fields nodded her head without attempting another word. As Emily opened her book, a loose piece of paper fell onto her lap. The faded white sheet contrasted with her dark wash jeans and she twisted her mouth in confusion.

"Dear Emily," she mouthed to herself, the words popping up and registering in her mind. She unfolded the paper completely and began to read Hanna's slanted scrawl.

Dear Emily,

I'm a little drunk right now, so please excuse any spelling errors. Yeah, I'll blame it on the alcohol. Anyway, you're asleep. Aria and Spencer are too. But I can't sleep, I just… can't. There are so many things I want to say to you, so many things I'm scared to say out loud. I'm writing this because your leaving, and I miss you already. I'm writing this because I want to talk to you, but your sleeping, or maybe you passed out. How drunk did you get anyway?

I always wanted a pen pal. Did you know that, Em? In second grade we had pen pals for a whole semester, mine lived in Alaska. She was really boring to be honest. But I always wanted a real pen pal. Someone I could tell anything and everything to. I guess that's the one and only good thing about you moving. I finally have a pen pal. And in case you didn't catch on, you have to write me back.

So, tonight when you were talking about having sex with Maya, I think I was a little… jealous. I know, I hid it so well. I don't know. Things just happened so fast Em. It's like, when you told me you were moving, I didn't have time to avoid my feelings any more. They were just there. Right out in front of me. And then I kissed you and everything clicked into place. I know things should be weird between us, but they aren't. Things are… right.

I don't know if I'm gay. I don't know if I'm straight. And I really don't care either way. It isn't about girls or boys, it's about you and me. The way we feel and the way things just work. I'm not scared of how I feel. I'm only scared of you not being here.

I used to be scared. I would see you sometimes and feel warm. I would find myself staring at your lips. I just never thought about it much, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Then, I found out you like girls. And I was so busy trying to show you that it was okay, that I would still be there for you… I didn't think about me. It was easy accepting you for who you are. But accepting myself and my own feelings? That was hard.

It isn't hard anymore. I know what it's like to kiss you and, kissing you is the easiest thing in the whole world. I hate that it took me so long to figure things out. I spend a lot of time looking back, wondering if I missed signs or if they were ever really there at all. Did you ever think about me that way? As more than a friend?

I'm a little drunk and I little sad, so forgive me if I ramble.

We said we would keep things open. Undefined. But… if there's someone else, if you find someone else, please tell me. I just want us to be honest, always. Our friendship is the most important thing.

I think I might throw up. Or cry… maybe both. You probably didn't need to know that. I love you though. And I'm gonna miss you. I'm going to wake you up before the sun rises. I remember you telling me that you love watching the sun rise, but no one will ever get up early enough to watch it with you. But, I'll stay awake, and we can watch it together.

Don't forget to write back.

Love,

Hanna

PS. I'm totally gonna break into your purse to put this letter in. Don't tell my parole officer!

"Hanna," Emily whispered, her eyes wet with tears.

"What was that dear?" her mother asked, glancing over.

"Nothing, it's just… it's sad," she replied, holding up the book and gesturing. Her mother smiled and nodded before turning away. Emily held back a sob and ran her fingers over the words from the letter. It really was sad.

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"Knock, knock…"

"You can't open the door while you knock, it defeats the purpose," Hanna mumbled.

"Get over it," Spencer replied, hopping over to Hanna's bed and making herself comfortable. Hanna snuggled deeper into her blankets and glared at her friends.

"Come on Han, you have to stop moping," Aria told her, sitting on the edge of the bed. Spencer snuggled closer to Hanna and rested her head in the blonde's lap.

"We have to take our minds off of everything," Spencer added.

"No thanks," Hanna muttered.

"Emily isn't dead Hanna, we'll see her again," Aria patted her knee gently.

"Bite me," Hanna snapped.

"Down girl," Spencer said quickly, looking up with wide eyes.

"We're all sad Hanna!" Aria exclaimed.

"Great! I'm not walking around telling you how to feel and what to do. So leave me alone!" Hanna bit back. Spencer reached out and took Hanna's hand.

"Let's all just calm down," she advised.

"I'm just trying to help," Aria muttered.

"Emily hasn't even been gone a whole day, if I want to sit in my bed and mope then that's exactly what I'm gonna do. So either grab a carton of ice cream and join me, or get the hell out," Hanna challenged.

"I think that's… fair," Spencer acknowledged, raising her eyebrows at Aria.

"Fine," Aria replied.

"Fine," Hanna repeated.

"Yay," Spencer cheered sarcastically. "Now we're having fun," she added. The girls looked at her for a moment, before both Hanna and Aria broke into a fit of laughter.

"Dork," Hanna giggled, rubbing Spencer's hair affectionately.

"Okay, okay," Aria said, trying to control her laughter. "I'm gonna hit the store and get some snacks," she volunteered, knowing that Hanna's house was probably lacking the junk food they were all craving.

"Skittles!" Spencer yelled.

"Cookie dough," Hanna added.

"Yeah, yeah. Jeeze, you'd think we all just had our hearts broken," Aria called as she exited the room.

"I did," Hanna whispered quietly.

"Huh?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing Spence, nothing," she shook her head and forced a smile.

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"Ring, ring, ring…"

"Oh shit, phone!" Hanna scrambling from her position amongst pillows and blankets. She looked around frantically, trying to follow the sound of the ring.

"Hanna!" Spencer yelled as the blonde almost knocked over her drink.

"It could be Emily," she explained. Aria and Spencer both began moving pillows and blankets.

"Got it," Aria called, grabbing the phone and answering it before the ringing stopped. "Hanna's phone, how may I help you," she answered, her voice higher than usual.

"Hey Aria," Emily laughed.

"How'd you know it was me?" Aria grumbled.

"Just a wild guess," Emily answered.

"Give me the phone," Hanna demanded, reaching forward.

"Queen Hanna is beckoning, please hold," Aria explained. Hanna snatched the phone out of Aria's hand, earning a stony glare from the brunet.

"Emily!" she exclaimed into the receiver.

"Hey," Emily replied.

"We're watching She's All That in honor of you," Hanna told her.

"You know I love a good ugly duckling story," she chuckled in reply.

"Weird, considering you've always been a swan," Hanna commented.

"Whatever," Emily scoffed. "So ah, we're at the new house. It's… it's really strange knowing I'll be living here," she admitted.

"Do you like it?" Hanna asked, swallowing her emotions.

"Uh, yeah. I guess," Emily replied unsurely. "It's a nice house," she added.

"But you miss us," Hanna teased.

"Yeah, yeah I do," she replied chuckling.

"We miss you too," the blonde replied softly, blocking out the prying eyes of Aria and Spencer. "I miss you," she clarified.

"I got your letter," Emily mentioned.

"Oh," Hanna laughed, blushing softly. "You'll write back, won't you?"

"I already started my reply," she promised.

"Let me talk to her for a minute," Spencer called.

"Hold on," Hanna answered. "So, Spence wants to talk to you. But um… call me later. If you want," she added nervously. It was strange to feel nervous about Emily. But things were different now. They were more than friends and they were living hundreds of miles apart. Everything was new and complicated.

"I'll call," Emily promised. And she would. She would call and they would talk, they would talk for hours. And all of the newness and complications would melt away. It would just be Hanna and Emily. And it would be perfect.

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	4. Head Over Heels

Authors Note: This chapter is kind of a set chapter. Two potential storylines (one with Hanna/Emily and one with the girls as a whole) are being set up a bit in this chapter. It's subtle. But I don't wanna rush things so it's necessary. Comment and let me know what you think.

**Chapter Four - Head Over Heels**

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Dear Hanna,

Texas is lonely and all I can think about is you. I stare at my front steps and hope to see you there. I know it sounds lame but, being near you made me feel less alone. My parents are being great, almost too great. I think they feel guilty because they know how miserable I am. The new house has a pool, so I've been spending a lot of time swimming. It clears my head and it's the one thing that I feel comfortable with. It's my safe place.

In your letter, you asked me if I had ever thought about you as more than a friend. It's hard to explain but, after what happened with Alison, I tried really hard to ignore my feelings for girls. Then Maya came along, and she was so open with everything. She helped me to realize that it was okay to be attracted to girls. But you were the one who helped me to be brave Hanna. Your support gave me the strength I needed to be honest about myself. And, I would be lying if I said I never thought about you as more than a friend. But I tried not to. You were so supportive, and I didn't want to make things uncomfortable.

But, you're beautiful Hanna. That's not something I could ever ignore. I thought about kissing you once. I mean, I really thought about it. It was at the dance, when I was having issues with Maya and you were dealing with Lucas. Things were so complicated for all of us. So when I thought about kissing you, I freaked out. That's why I got drunk, I just wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget about Allison and Maya leaving me behind. I wanted to forget about you, about how you never left me behind, and how that made me feel. I was so confused Hanna, and I was drunk. So, I took my anger out on you. Because I didn't want to have those feelings, I didn't want to think about kissing you.

And in case I haven't made it clear yet, you are nothing like Allison. You're nothing like anybody I've ever met. I shouldn't have yelled at you or said those things. But looking back, I realize that I was just scared. I was scared of crossing a line and losing you. I'm so glad you were brave enough to cross that line, to show me that I wouldn't lose you.

I miss you like crazy Hanna. I miss all of you. There's a girl that lives down the street from me, and she reminds me of you. I've only talked to her a few times, but she's opinionated and fun. I think we could be friends. I don't know, I'm trying to have an open mind.

But it's not home without you, Aria, and Spence. Especially you.

Write back. I love you,

- Emily

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"Two weeks," Hanna groaned miserably.

"It's only been nine days," Emily corrected.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," Hanna replied.

"I might be able to visit before summer is over," she offered.

"Like, tomorrow?" the blonde asked, her voice hopeful over the phone.

"Doubtful," Emily chuckled.

"Did you get my new letter yet?" Hanna asked, changing the subject.

"Not yet," she answered.

"I think I've re-read yours like a million times already," Hanna admitted. "Hey, have you hung out with that girl again? What was her name…" she fished casually.

"Leah. Um, we've talked a few times. She invited me to a party tonight actually," Emily mentioned awkwardly.

"Oh," Hanna breathed. "Oh that sounds… great. You should go Em," she encouraged.

"I don't know," Emily bit her lip unsurely. She looked at the image of herself reflecting in the mirror in front of her. She didn't look happy. She looked lost.

"You need to meet people," Hanna told her, doing her best to sound supportive.

"Hanna…" she could tell that the blonde was putting on a show.

"Look, it's kind of weird for me to imagine you at a party with a bunch of people I don't know. And I'm not going to lie, it sucks. It sucks that they get to be with you and I don't. But… I want you to make friends and I want you to have fun. Because if you weren't happy, wherever you are, then I wouldn't be happy either," she explained quietly.

"Just when I thought I couldn't miss you anymore that I already do, you go and say something like that." Emily choked, her eyes wet with emotion.

"I mean it Em," she replied softly.

"I know," she nodded to herself. And this time when she looked in the mirror, she saw something different. Her eyes were sparkling, not just with tears, but with hope. Hanna had given her that.

"So you'll go to the party?" Hanna asked.

"I- yeah, I guess I'll go," she relented.

"Good. Wait, that Leah girl isn't like… interested in you. Is she?" Hanna voiced suspiciously. Emily's eyes widened and she shook her head in disbelief.

"Hanna! She doesn't even… she's not into girls," Emily clarified.

"Well neither was I until you came along, all hot and perfect," Hanna grumbled insecurely.

"Shut up," Emily blushed.

"I'm serious. You are the only girl I've ever thought about kissing Emily. And I think about it all the time by the way," she added in a hushed tone.

"I think about it too," she whispered in return.

"Stop using your sexy whisper voice," Hanna ordered. "I'm about to start making out with the phone," she teased.

"Oh my God," Emily's cheeks flushed prettily and she felt her hands shake nervously. It still amazed her how easily Hanna had fallen into this, a relationship with a girl. Even though Emily had more experience with girls, Hanna had taken charge of their relationship. She had effortlessly molded them together and as far as Emily could tell, she hadn't looked back.

"Just don't let this Leah chick hear the whisper voice, okay?" Hanna's tone was light, but Emily knew she was worried.

"It's just for you Hanna," she promised hesitantly. It was still new to her, talking to Hanna this way.

"Good," Hanna smiled giddily. The butterflies in her stomach were flying at rapid speed. Hanna couldn't remember the last time she felt that way. It hadn't been so intense with Caleb, maybe not with anybody.

"Good," Emily repeated. And it was. Things were good. They missed each other like crazy but, things were good. Maybe even better than good.

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"She's going to a party?" Aria asked skeptically.

"That's what she said," Hanna replied, rifling through a stack of colorful summer tops.

"Well, I think that's great," Spencer offered, holding a teal tank top up to her chest.

"Uh uh," Hanna said, pointing to the top and shaking her head. The girls were at the mall, browsing the stores and evading the heat.

"So, she's going with that girl she met?" Aria asked.

"Yup," Hanna bit out.

"That's good," Spencer nodded.

"And she doesn't know anyone else that will be there?" Aria asked, still scrunching her eyebrows.

"Why don't you just call her yourself Aria!" Hanna finally snapped.

"Sorry," the brunette muttered.

"No, I'm sorry," Hanna sighed. "I'm just in a weird mood," she explained. Aria smiled and squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"But it's good that Emily is making new friends," Spencer piped up. "That's great," she smiled widely. Aria and Hanna shot her inquisitive looks.

"Spence?" Aria questioned.

"I'm happy for her," Spencer added. "It's nothing to be jealous of. I mean, we were her friends first but… she's aloud to make new friends," she rambled, her words jumbled and scattered.

"Aw, Spence…" Hanna chuckled and poked her friend in the side. "Are you jealous of Emily's new friends?" she continued.

"No," she glared. "They aren't even her friends anyway. They don't know her like we do," she mumbled gruffly. Hanna and Aria bit back smiles and moved towards Spencer. They each grabbed an arm and pulled her into a group hug.

"It's okay to be a little jealous," Hanna whispered.

"And a little sad," Aria added. Spencer's glare eventually melted and she returned the hug.

"It just doesn't feel right," she explained after the girls pulled away. "She should be here," she added, looking down and away.

"I know," Hanna replied.

"With everything that's going on…" Aria trailed off in agreement. Saying goodbye to Emily would have been difficult no matter what. But after the year they had endured together, the things they had been through, it just felt surreal.

"She should be with us," Hanna nodded.

"Have either of you gotten any new messages from A?" Spencer asked.

"No. Nothing," Aria shook her head.

"Not a word," Hanna added.

"The longer we go without hearing anything, the more on edge I feel," Spencer shuddered.

"Maybe it's over," Aria shrugged hopefully.

"It'll never be over," Hanna said mournfully. And she was right… it would never be over.

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"I'm so glad you decided to come!" Leah exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, um… a friend sort of convinced me," she smiled, thinking of Hanna.

"This is gonna be fun. I promise," she squeezed Emily's arm briefly before continuing her walk towards the house. Music was thumping and the sound of laughter could be heard. Leah shook her light brown hair before setting her shoulders and opening the door. Emily simply wrung her hands nervously and followed the shorter girl inside.

"Leah!" A voice squealed. Suddenly, a tiny girl with fiery red hair, lunged at Leah and enveloped her in a hug.

"Whoa there Caitlin, steady. Tame the alcohol girl," she teased. The redhead glared at her lightly and turned to look at Emily appraisingly.

"Is this the girl you were telling us about?" she asked, her eyes roaming Emily's form. "Emily right?" she asked, sticking her hand out.

"Yeah, nice to meet you," Emily nodded.

"I'm Caitlin. But you're cute enough to call me Cait if you'd like. Leah has told me all about you," she smiled. Emily smiled back as she let go of the smaller girl's hand.

"Uh, it's great to meet people. I mean, I'm new here and everything," she offered lamely. She felt uneasy and unsure.

"You're gonna love Texas," Caitlin assured her.

"If you ignore this maniac that is," Leah added, nodding at the redhead.

"Bite me whore," she replied.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Leah snapped playfully.

"You're not my type," she smirked quickly before her eyes flashed to Emily. Emily suddenly felt dizzy, her head swam with images and she her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't do this. She couldn't start over.

"Are you okay Em?" Leah asked. The sound of the familiar nickname brought everything crashing down.

"I just… I have to go," she muttered, turning quickly and fleeing the house. "Sorry," she muttered as she bumped into someone. Emily hurried out the door and took a deep breath of fresh air, letting it wash over her and calm her hectic nerves.

"Emily!" a voice called. The brunette continued to walk quickly, leaving the house and her feelings of uncertainty behind. "Emily, wait!" Leah grabbed her arm and halted her movement.

"Sorry," Emily whispered, looking down and refusing to meet the other girl's eyes.

"What happened in there? Are you okay?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"I'm sorry I just, I freaked out…" she shook her head in embarrassment.

"Talk to me," Leah urged gently.

"I'm not who you think I am," she swallowed.

"Who is?" Leah shrugged smiling. Emily froze at the familiar words, everything feeling so different but exactly the same.

"I'm gay," she chocked, tears making their way down her cheeks. Leah's words had prompted a flood of images to enter Emily's mind. Images of Hanna.

"Uh- I… okay?" Leah smiled, patting Emily's arm.

"You and Caitlin, when you were talking…" Emily trailed off, trying to explain.

"Oh. Oh no, honey. We weren't making fun of girls who like girl. Caitlin's gay too, or bisexual I guess. She's not really into labels. And neither am I, for the record," she assured her.

"I feel stupid," Emily uttered quietly.

"Don't," Leah ordered.

"I just felt overwhelmed. It's weird, standing in a room and realizing that not a single person really knows you. I haven't felt like that in a long time," she admitted.

"Well, I'm willing to fix that if you're willing to let me," Leah smiled. "I'd like to know you Emily Fields," she added.

"Okay," Emily nodded shyly.

"Good. Now let's start with the important stuff," she hooked her arm through Emily's and lead them in the direction of her car. It was clear that a party wasn't the right place to be having this conversation. "Do you have a girlfriend? Or should I tell Caitlin you're fair game?" she asked lightly. Emily laughed softly and blushed.

"I'm not… available," she answered.

"Ah, so there is a girl," Leah nodded knowingly.

"It's complicated," she explained.

"Isn't is always?" Leah asked.

"It's long distance. And, people don't really know…" she replied. Emily was surprised to realize how good it felt to talk to somebody about Hanna. They had never agreed to keep things secret, but it had sort of ended up that way. Everything had happened so quickly, and their time together was so intense. It was like the rest of the world had melted away. But missing Hanna had been hell for Emily, and talking about everything was exactly what she needed.

"Is she still in the closet?" Leah asked as they reached the car.

"No. Not really. I'm the first girl she's ever been with," Emily replied.

"Oh, I see…" Leah said, her voice holding a knowing lilt.

"It's not like that," Emily defended. "Hanna just…" she cut herself off at the mention of the blonde's name.

"Hanna," Leah repeated. "Sound pretty," she added.

"She is," Emily smiled. "She's beautiful," she finished quietly.

"Wow, you're head over heels girl," Leah laughed.

"I kind of am," Emily said, realization washing over her. It was the first time she had admitted it, to Leah, and to herself. She was falling in love with her best friend.

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	5. It's Emily

Authors Note: I had originally planned on finishing the scenes at the party during this chapter. But it would have been rushed. So the cliffhanger (if you can call it that) at the end was sort of unintentionally. But I think it works. Please review and let me know what you think.

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**Chapter 5 : It's Emily**

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"How do I look?"

"Perfect," Emily murmured. "Too perfect," she continued with a groan.

"What?" Hanna asked, sitting down in front of her computer and staring at Emily's distraught face. The girls were talking over video and Emily was helping Hanna pick out something to wear.

"Could you maybe try to downplay the fact that your gorgeous? Try like… a trash bag," Emily suggested. Hanna raised her eyebrows in question and Emily sighed.

"A trash bag?" Hanna laughed.

"Never mind," Emily replied. "You'd still look hot," she added.

"Come on Em, what's going on?" the blonde asked.

"Nothing. I just… look at you," she exclaimed. "The whole world thinks that you're single and available, and you're gonna show up looking like that?" she concluded. Hanna glanced down at her tight top and black skirt. The outfit was revealing, but that had been what Hanna was going for.

"Emily, I don't care what anyone at the party thinks," Hanna told her. It had taken some convincing but, Hanna had agree to go to one of Noel's infamous summer parties. Aria and Spencer had been urging her for days, but it was Emily who had finally gotten her to relent.

"Okay," the brunette agreed quietly. Even though she had urged Hanna to go to the party, Emily was still worried. Her long distance relationship with Maya had ended badly, and she didn't want the same thing to happen with Hanna.

"Hey," Hanna called, signaling Emily to look at her. "I'm not dressed like this for the party," she admitted.

"They why are you dressed like that?" Emily asked in confusion.

"For you dummy," Hanna replied, biting her lip.

"For… oh," she whisper. Looking down and blushing, Emily fought the smile that was making its way to her face.

"Yeah," Hanna said quietly.

"You don't have to do that for me Hanna," Emily told her. "In fact, you're sort of just making me miss you even more," she continued.

"That's the point," Hanna chuckled.

"Well it's working. I really wish I could see you in person and…" she trailed off, swallowing hard. Her eyes lingered on Hanna's form, appreciating the way her clothes hugged each curve.

"Touch me?" Hanna supplied, her voice faint. Emily looked up quickly and met the blonde's eyes. As always, things had gotten intense.

"Hanna!" a voice called. The girls each took a startled breath and tried to compose themselves.

"In my room Spence," Hanna called. "Spencer's here," she told Emily dumbly. Emily nodded and cleared her throat, breathing deeply to calm the heat she felt.

"I should go," Emily told her.

"No! Spence will wanna see you," Hanna insisted. Before Emily could protest further, the door to Hanna's room swung open and Spencer waltzed through.

"Who will Spencer wanna see?" the brunette questioned with a smirk. "Oh! Emily!" she exclaimed, seeing the other girl's face lighting up the computer screen.

"Hey Spencer," Emily waved awkwardly.

"Em was just helping me get ready for the party," Hanna explained, shooting Emily a heated look.

"That's nice, how come Emily never answer's Spencer's video chat requests? Hmm…" Spencer asked pointedly. She nudged Hanna out of the way before gingerly sitting in the chair.

"Spence…" Emily sighed.

"How come Spencer is talking in third person? Weren't you the one who told me that was creepy and prestigious?" Hanna asked, swooping to the rescue.

"Pretentious," Spencer corrected.

"Whatever," Hanna muttered, turning to examine a pair of heels. "Black or silver?" she asked, holding up each shoe.

"Silver," Spencer answered shortly before turning back to the computer screen. "Now back to the matter at hand, Emily…" she prompted.

"I've just been busy," Emily shrugged weakly. The truth was, Emily had felt uncomfortable talking to Aria and Spencer since she had moved. Things between her and Hanna had gotten surprisingly serious and every time she talked to the other girls, she felt like she was lying to them.

Allison had convinced the girls that their secrets kept them close. But "A" had convinced them that nothing was truly a secret. Sometimes Emily would lie awake at night, waiting for her phone to sound, for "A" to send a cryptic message. The idea of her relationship with Hanna being exploited made Emily's chest tighten and her eyes burn with emotion.

"Yet you have time to message Hanna," Spencer pointed out.

"Hanna is relentless," Emily replied.

"I am," Hanna called, still examining the shoes.

"You are," Spencer conceded with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Are you sure about the silver?" the blonde questioned curiously.

"The light color will make your legs look longer," Spencer explained.

"I like the black," Emily called out quickly. Hanna caught her eye through the computer screen and grinned. Emily looked away to hide the pink splaying across her cheeks as Spencer gave both girls an odd look. "Just- you know, with the skirt…" she continued, mumbling.

"Right…" Hanna chimed knowingly.

"I should go," Emily said clearing her throat. "I have uh, laundry," she explained dumbly. The disbelieving looks that she received were enough to make her cringe.

"Okay," Spencer replied unsurely. She had no idea where the tension she was feeling had stemmed from, but it was practically tangible.

"Call me later," Hanna told her. Emily nodded shortly and reach to turn her compute off. "Hey Em," the blonde called, halting the other girl's movements. "I think I'm gonna go with the black," she finished, waving the dark heels in front of the screen. Emily laughed out loud and quickly turned off the screen. Ignoring Spencer's searching eyes, Hanna let the soft sound of Emily's laugh ring through her ears and melt into her mind.

She would carry it with her all through the night.

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"So…" Spencer trailed off, her eyes wandering to the side.

"So?" Hanna questioned in annoyance.

"What was the deal between you and Emily?" she asked casually, the noise of the party filling their ears as they walked through the door.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hanna replied, feigning innocence and making a beeline for Aria. The brunet waved eagerly as Spencer and Hanna approached.

"Liar," Spencer coughed, as they reached Aria and a senior she had been talking to named Jason. Jason smiled widely at the girls and offered them each a one armed hug.

"Hey!" Hanna exclaimed, pointedly ending her earlier discussion with Spencer.

"Hanna, you look amazing. Hey Spencer," Jason offered, his eyes intent on the blonde.

"Aria, you look amazing. Hey Jason," Spencer mocked with a sneer followed quickly by an eye roll. Jason didn't seam to catch her meaning and he continued to smile at Hanna.

"You look gorgeous darling," Aria giggled, catching on to Spencer's joke.

"So what's up?" Hanna asked, covering the awkward tension that had began to wash over them.

"I was just telling Aria about the football team next season. We're totally stacked," Jason boasted. "You should come to some of the games," he flirted. Spencer raised her eyebrows at his blatancy while Aria brought a hand to her mouth to cover a laugh.

"Uh, yeah… sure," Hanna agreed, shooting her friends a glare.

"Well, good. Now that we've settled the important things, I need a drink. Aria?" Spencer said briskly.

"Right there with ya," the shorter girl nodded, looping her arm through Spencers. "Catch you later Han," she added, throwing the blonde a significant look. Hanna looked back in confusion before her friends sauntered away laughing. She was left with the good looking, but not so bright, Jason. Great.

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"What the hell!" Hanna screeched.

"Ow," Spencer whined, rubbing her ear.

"Why did you leave me with him?" Hanna continued, stomping her foot with vigor. Aria and Spencer shared a look before setting their drinks down and giving Hanna their full attention.

"With who, Jason?" Aria asked unsurely.

"No, the other idiot mole that has been permanently attached to my hip for the last 20 minutes," she bit out sarcastically.

"I thought you liked him," Aria mentioned.

"Yeah…" Spencer added, a twinkle sparking in her dark eyes.

"What made you think that?" she exclaimed in a harsh whisper.

"Um, he's cute…" Aria began.

"He plays football," Spencer added. Crossing her arms, Hanna waited for them to continue but they both remained silent.

"That it? You really think that little of me?" she questioned.

"What? No! Hanna no," Aria hurried.

"That's not what we meant," Spencer told her.

"Really? Because it's exactly what you said," she snapped, turning to walk away. Aria reach forward to catch her arm but Hanna shook free and headed for the door.

"Hanna!" Aria called after her. She turned to look helplessly at Spencer.

"Well, fuck…" the taller girl muttered, her eyes still on Hanna's retreating form.

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"Hey…" Aria spoke quietly, approaching Hanna carefully. Catching the blonde's eye she realized that Hanna was more upset that both she or Spencer had anticipated. She had a prickly covering that warned she was best handled with both care and caution.

"Hanna, will you please talk to us?" Spencer asked.

She looked up to see Aria nearing, scrubbed furiously at her tears and told her with a glare to go to hell. Spencer followed closely behind and took comfort in the blonde's belligerence. It suited her better than the broken little girl look she had noticed when approaching.

"Come on," Spencer urged, taking a seat next to the smaller girl. The sky was dark and Hanna had planted herself on the steps leading up to house's the front door.

"We didn't mean to offend you," Aria tried, sitting on the other side of the blonde.

"It doesn't matter," Hanna muttered.

"It does," Aria insisted. "We would never want to hurt you," she added.

"We were just teasing," Spencer continued.

"It's fine," Hanna sniffed.

"Really?" Aria asked, skeptically.

"Sure," she answered.

"Then why are you so upset?" Spencer asked. Hanna shrugged and look down pointedly. "Did Jason do something?" she asked, her voice hardening.

"No," Hanna sighed.

"Hanna, did he? You have to tell us," Aria told her urgently.

"No," Hanna told them more strongly. "Not really, I mean… he tried to kiss me," she shrugged.

"And…" Spencer prodded.

"I told him I wasn't interested," she shrugged.

"Okay?" Aria reacted unsurely.

"So you're crying because…" Spencer trailed off.

"I would have kissed him. A few months ago I would have kissed him. Because he's cute, and he plays football," she mumbled self deprecatingly.

"So why didn't you?" Aria ask.

"Because I'm falling for someone else," she admitted quietly.

"Who? Caleb? I thought you were done with him," Spencer question.

"Not Caleb," Hanna replied.

"Lucas? Is it Lucas?" Aria exclaimed.

"It's not Lucas," Hanna rolled her eyes.

"Well who is it? Who is this secret guy you've been seeing," Aria widened her eyes in excitement.

"Come on! Hanna," Spencer added.

"It's not a guy," she finally said. "It's Emily," she finished. Hanna didn't dare look up to see the reactions on their faces. But she did hear their sharp intake of breath and she felt the air stiffen with something thick. Now that she had said it out loud, now that she had admitted it… nothing would ever be the same.

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	6. Someone To Kiss

Authors Note: Oops. Another cliff hanger. Sorry. I don't plan things that way, it just keeps happening. Lol. I wrote this really quickly. So I apologize if it sucks. Please let me know what you think! A certain plot point is very much in the making during this chapter. I'm probably not nearly as clever as I think I am. But enjoy!

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**Chapter 6 : Someone To Kiss**

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"It's Emily," Hanna breathed.

"It's…" Aria spoke softly, confusion evident in her tone.

"Emily," Spencer supplied. The taller brunet looked pensive and thoughtful, as though she were working out a particularly difficult math equation.

"I don't understand," Aria continued when Hanna remained silent.

"I've been seeing Emily," Hanna answered with a shrug, still refusing to meet their eyes.

"Seeing as in…" Aria trailed off uncomfortably.

"You know," Hanna muttered.

"Romantically?" Spencer guessed, looking far less surprised than Aria. It was as if she had worked through the meaning of Hanna's words and was now able to process the information thoroughly, almost robotically.

"Uh huh," Hanna nodded.

"I don't- I mean, you and Emily are like…" Aria's brows were furrowed and her face was etched with misunderstanding.

"If you have something to say then just say it," Hanna snapped. Her fear and uncertainty had made her defensive. Aria's constant confusion and loss of words was only proving to further Hanna's apprehension.

"I'm sorry but, I just don't understand!" Aria exclaimed.

"Well, Emily is a lesbian and Hanna is perpetually horny so maybe- right, too soon. Sorry," Spencer winced at her inappropriate humor.

"How did this happen?" Aria asked.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it," Hanna replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Spencer snorted with laughter and Aria shot her a glare.

"Why are you sitting there like this isn't huge news? Two of our best friends are romantically involved!" Aria questioned Spencer harshly.

"We're being stalked by a letter of the alphabet, my sister's husband tried to kill me, and you're doing the nasty with our English teacher. Two friends falling for each other is hardly shocking at this point," Spencer deadpanned.

"But it's Emily and Hanna!" Aria prompted.

"Yeah and they've been giving off weird sexual vibes for weeks now," Spencer replied. "I'm actually relieved to know I wasn't getting my pheromones mixed up or something," she added with a shrug. Before Aria could question her further, an awed expression crossed Spencer's face. "Oh my god, were you two doing something dirty when I walked in on your video chat today?"

"Spencer!" Hanna exclaimed.

"The tension in the room felt all… naughty," she smirked.

"Shut up," Hanna laughed, nudging her playfully.

"How long has this been going on," Aria asked, looking less shocked but still frowning slightly.

"I guess, it started a few days before she left. But I had been feeling differently about her for a while," Hanna explained, feeling more comfortable then before.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Aria asked seriously.

"Why didn't you tell us about Ezra?" Hanna shot back.

"That's different," Aria whispered.

"No it isn't. You were scared," Hanna replied quietly. "So were we," she added, looking up to meet Aria's eyes meaningfully. After a moment, Aria nodded in understanding and reached out to take Hanna's hand.

"You don't have to be scared Hanna. Not with us," she proclaimed genuinely. Hanna smiled warmly at her and Spencer took the blonde's remaining hand.

"No more secrets between the four of us, remember?" Spencer said softly.

"I know. We just needed to figure things out by ourselves first. Everything happened so fast, and then Emily was gone. We weren't really sure what it all meant," she told them honestly.

"And now?" Aria asked.

"I want to be with her," Hanna answered.

"Then we're really happy for you Hanna," Aria assured her.

"For both of you," Spencer added.

"Thanks," she told them sincerely. "God… look at us. I'm crying on the steps outside of a raging party. When did we become these girls?" she laughed. "I'm such a boring cliché,"

"You, Hanna Marin, are many things. But you are never boring." Spencer told her.

"And you're only a little cliché," Aria joked.

"That's me, a constant source of amusement." she smirked. Her chest was light with the weight of her secret finally gone. But there was still an ache inside of her that she just couldn't shake. She loved her friends more than anything, and she loved that they were supporting her. But the truth was, none of them would be whole until Emily was with them.

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There was a God, there really was. It was the only explanation. Something, somewhere was trying to restore balance in the world by way of Leah Hansen.

"I can't believe you made her make the first move!" Leah laughed from her place on Emily's soft carpet. The girls were organizing some of Emily's trinkets and gossiping like only teenage girls could gossip.

Despite the misery that had been bestowed upon Emily when she was forced to move, there was a silver lining. Leah had proven to be an amazing friend and a great sounding board. It was nice for Emily to be close to someone outside of her core circle of friends. It was nice to be close to someone that hadn't been touched my the darkness of Allison's death and the havoc that "A" had reeked.

"I didn't think she was into girls!" Emily defended herself.

"You never noticed any signals? No hints?" Leah prodded doubtfully.

"Well… I don't know," she sighed.

"Come on," she urged.

"Sometimes, sometimes she would get this look in her eyes. Or she would bite her lip in a certain way and- it was like my insides were melting," Emily admitted.

"That is so hot," Leah nodded.

"No! No, it wasn't- well it was but, it was more of a gut feeling. Like we were caught up in some other world, and it was just the two of us," she finished.

"Wow," Leah muttered. And as if on cue, Emily's phone buzzed softly and Hanna's name flashed across the screen.

"Sorry," she nodded to her phone and fought the smile that was tugging at her lips.

"Answer it," Leah said with a smirk.

"Hey," Emily answered softly. "How's the party?" she asked.

"We ditched the party," Hanna answered.

"Why?" Emily asked in confusion.

"Some idiot kissed me, I freaked out, cried a little, told Aria and Spence about us, cried a little more, you know…" she rushed casually.

"Wait, what?" Emily asked.

"I was upset and it just slipped out. I know I should have talked to you first," Hanna sniffed.

"Are you okay?" she replied, more concerned with Hanna then with their secret.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Aria and Spencer are still with me, they've been amazing Em," she assured her. Emily let out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. She knew that Aria and Spencer were accepting and supportive. But a part of her had been worried that her relationship with Hanna would make things weird between the four of them.

"I'm sorry you had to tell them with out me," Emily told her.

"I'm sorry I have to do anything with out you," Hanna countered.

"Cheesy…" Emily blushed.

"It's been an emotional night," Hanna defended.

"What are you all doing now?" Emily asked curiously. She saw Leah shoot her a grin and she rolled her eyes in response.

"Loitering," Hanna scoffed. Emily let out a chucked and found her heart constricting with the need to be close to the blonde. No one could make her laugh like Hanna could.

"Don't get into too much trouble," she advised.

"Oh please, saint Spencer is policing every move I make," she said. Emily could hear the faint sound of Spencer shouting in the background. "Okay, well… Spencer's nagging me to get off the phone. I think we're gonna get some ice cream," she added.

"Have an extra scoop for me," Emily told her.

"I'm gonna get fat," Hanna whined.

"You're perfect," Emily assured her. She expertly avoided Leah's gaze, knowing that the other girl was making a goofy face at her admission.

"Whatever," Hanna muttered. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" she continued.

"Okay. Have fun," she replied.

"I miss you," Hanna told her softy.

"I miss you too," Emily told her quietly. "Bye," she added faintly before closing her phone with a sigh. She looked at the ground for a moment, in deep thought.

"I'm so jealous," Leah groaned, breaking her trance. "I wanna be in love," she pouted.

"Don't be too jealous," Emily countered. "It's not liked I can be with her. Not really…" she mumbled with a frown. Leah patted her arm before straightening up and clearing her throat.

"That's it. No more moping. We're young and hot, we need to get out and have some fun," she declared.

"Where can we go?" Emily asked skeptically.

"Caitlin is having a party tonight. Her parents are out of town and it's supposed to be insane," she shrugged happily. Emily stared at her with wide eyes.

"You're sitting in my room helping me sort through a bunch of junk while one of your best friends is having a party?" she asked.

"Oh please, Cait will barley know I'm not there. She is a very attentive hostess," Leah said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"But didn't you want go?" she asked seriously.

"Well yeah but, I wasn't sure if you were ready for another party," at Emily's strange expression she continued. "You're my friend now Em, don't look so surprised," she smiled.

"Thanks," Emily said, truly touched by the other girl's words.

"Now the question is, to party or not to party?" Leah asked, shrugging off Emily's grateful smile.

"I don't know…" she paused thoughtfully.

"Hey, you're girl got to party tonight. It's only fair if you have some fun too," she pointed out.

"I think you're going to be a bad influence," Emily laughed.

"Well yeah," Leah replied, grabbing her hand and dragging her to her feet. There was no doubt in Emily's mind that it would be an interesting night to say the least.

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"Too short, too tall… ew too unwashed," Leah scanned the crowded room critically, her eyes slanted in concentration. Emily nudged her way through glistening bodies and tried to keep up with her distracted friend. The girls were each holding a red cup filled with an alcoholic punch of some sort. The cups had been handed to them upon entrance. And while Emily usually wasn't a big drinker, she was feeling homesick and decided she could drown her sorrows this one time.

"What are you doing?" she asked, finishing the rest of her drink and earning a surprised look from Leah. She shrugged as they neared the kitchen and headed for the refreshments.

"I'm looking for someone to kiss," Leah explained casually, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Someone to kiss?" Emily asked. She poured herself another drink and avoided the bodies threatening to bump into her. The crowded room made her feel uncomfortable and she took two large gulps of her drink in response.

"Yeah, you know… lips, maybe a little tongue," she teased. Emily glared at her and continued to sip her drink steadily.

"You're just going to pick someone out of the crowd?" she asked.

"Sure, why not?" Leah answered, pouring the remainder of her own drink into Emily's cup. "This stuff is like nail polish remover. I don't know how you're drinking it," she scrunched her nose in disgust.

"I'm a swimmer, I'm used to swallowing chlorine," she shrugged, taking a long sip as proof.

"You're gonna puke later," Leah warned.

"You're gonna get herpes from kissing a stranger," Emily countered, her words swishing lightly. She was feeling the effects of the alcohol and set her cup down for a moment.

"Touché," Leah laughed. "I really need to kiss someone though," she groaned.

"Oh my god," Emily exclaimed suddenly as a thought stuck her.

"I know, I'm pathetic. But it's been so long," she whined.

"Someone kissed her!" Emily continued, realization dawning on her. She felt the alcohol churn wildly in her stomach.

"Well not yet but, hopefully soon," Leah replied.

"Not you!" Emily snapped, her breath becoming short and hurried.

"Huh?" Leah asked in confusion.

"Hanna!" she exclaimed, picking up her drink and finishing it quickly.

"Whoa, slow down there killer," Leah told her, grabbing the cup and pulling it away.

"I need to call her," Emily explained, as though it should make perfect sense. Ignoring Leah's confusion, Emily took off into the crowd and pushed her way around the dancing bodies.

"Emily! Emily, what the hell?" Leah called. She followed Emily through the crowd until they reached the a hallway that was mostly deserted and somewhat quiet. "What the fuck dude," she exclaimed.

"Someone kissed Hanna at the party and I forgot to ask about it," Emily explained. She scrolled through her phone before finding Hanna's number.

"Oh," Leah muttered. "Well… they kissed her, right? So it's not like she wanted them too," Leah tried to comfort her.

"Shhh!" Emily hissed, bringing the phone to her ear and listening as it rang on the other end.

"You're a mean drunk," Leah muttered.

"Come on, pick up!" she groaned as the phone continued to ring. When Hanna's voice mail finally sounded, she stomped her foot and slammed the phone shut. "Ugh!" she growled.

"Hey, I'm sure it was nothing," Leah assured her.

"I'm the only one that's supposed to kiss her!" Emily told her seriously. "She's my girlfriend!" she added.

"Okay, you're a possessive drunk too," Leah noted.

"At least I think she's my girlfriend. We've never really had that talk. What if…" she trailed off worriedly.

"Stop freaking out," Leah ordered. "Come on, let's go find you some water," she took Emily wrist and began to lead her out of the hallway. As they rounded the corned, the collided with a solid body and a flash of red hair.

"Caitlin!" Emily said in surprise. Leah let go of Emily's wrist and moved to greet her friend. But before she could say or do anything more, Caitlin turned to Emily.

"You're so hot," the red head slurred, grabbing Emily's face and bringing their mouths together. She pressed her lips forcefully to Emily's own and Leah looked on in shock.

"How come everyone but me is getting kissed!" she uttered with a pout.

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	7. The Truth

"Authors Note : Sorry for taking so long with this chapter everyone. I had a little bit of writers block. Thank you all for the reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Please comment and let me know what you think. Thanks!

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**Chapter 7 : The Truth**

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Oh my God!" Emily backed away quickly. She ran a hand across her mouth, as if to banish the occurrence from ever existing. Caitlin smiled at her obliviously and Leah continued to stare with wide eyes.

"You're a good kisser," Caitlin flirted. Her eyes were sparkling playfully and Emily had to take several calming breaths to steady her anger.

"I didn't kiss you!" Emily exclaimed. Her words were accompanied by quick, hot breaths of rage. "You, you…" she struggled through her drunken fog to find the right words.

"You ambushed her," Leah supplied helpfully.

"Yes! You just attacked me," she accused.

"You liked it," the redhead teased, popping one of her hips out seductively. Emily had never felt so inclined to hit someone in her life. She wasn't a violent person by nature. But Caitlin has disrespected her and forced her into a situation that she didn't want to be in. The fragile balance that Emily and Hanna had found was teetering with the weight of distance, and the smallest wave to send things out of control.

"No, no, no…" Emily muttered in panic. "I have a- there's a girl and I love her," she admitted honestly. The chaotic situation prevented Emily from realizing the significance of what she had said.

"Oh," Caitlin replied, frowning slightly, as though the thought had never occurred to her. "Well, sorry. But it's not like she has to know," she shrugged. Emily's eyes widened and she sucked in a large breath of air. Leah could see the that the brunette was reaching her breaking point.

"Okay. Cait, why don't you head back to the kitchen. The girl by the blender looked drunk enough to lick the floor. She'll play tongue hockey with you," she suggested. "Em, let's head home," she patted her arm comfortingly.

"Aw, don't leave yet," Caitlin pouted. It almost seemed as if she were enjoying Emily's frustration and the onslaught of hostility she was receiving.

"I'm out of here," Emily snapped before pushing her way past both girls and heading for the door. Quiet, timid Emily, had reached her breaking point. She was done sitting back and letting life happen to her.

"Emily! Wait," Leah called. "You're an idiot dude," she shot at Caitlin before passing her and following after the emotional brunette.

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"Em, talk to me…" Leah urged. Leah had driven them back to her house, where they would be staying for the night. They were parked outside and Emily was sitting as still as a statue, her eyes glazed over and focused on the windshield in front of her.

"There's nothing to talk about," she muttered. Her heart had slowed and was beating robotically, making her feel almost detached the situation.

"It isn't as bad as you think," Leah told her gently.

"She's gonna think that I did it to get back at her for kissing that guy," Emily replied. She turned to Leah with tears in her eyes. She had done her best to block out the fear. But Leah's voice had forced her back to reality. Her heart began beating faster and the though of Hanna pushed itself to the forefront of her mind.

"You didn't do anything wrong. And neither did she," Leah assured her. "It's not your fault that you and your girlfriend are really hot," she teased. Emily cracked a smile and rolled her eyes. She wished it were that easy. She wished she could laugh it off and move on. But things were never that easy in her life, there was always something more lurking. It was as if she, Hanna, Aria, and Spencer were cursed.

"I just don't want to hurt her," Emily whispered. The rest of the world hurt them enough. They were never supposed to hurt each other.

"Then don't tell her," Leah shrugged.

"What?" Emily asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Don't tell her," she repeated. Emily took a breath and looked out the window into the endless dark of the night. She turned back to Leah with tormented eyes.

"I can't… I can't do that," she replied, her voice shaky. Allison used to say that their secrets were what kept them close. But secrets had never done anything buy cause trouble for Emily.

"Why not?" Leah asked. "It didn't mean anything. And you didn't do anything wrong," she explained casually. Emily was caught off guard by her friend's nonchalance.

"I- I owe her the truth," Emile whispered.

"Look, it's up to you. But you said you don't want to hurt her. And if you tell her, it might hurt her. If you don't tell her, she'll never know and it won't hurt her," she laid the choices out clearly. Leah was right, Hanna would never know unless Emily told her. But Emily would know, and she wasn't sure she could live with herself if she didn't tell Hanna.

"I don't know…" Emily sighed.

"Well, you don't have to decide tonight. It's late. You should get some sleep and figure things out in the morning," she suggested. Emily bit her lip and pondered Leah's words.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess," she nodded.

"Good. Now let's get inside because I feel like I'm stalking my own house," Leah laughed. Emily forced a smile and took a deep breath. There was a churning inside of her stomach that she couldn't push away. All she wanted to do was see Hanna's face and hear her voice. Until then, she had a feeling that every smile she faked would twist her stomach more and more.

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"Hanna," Aria whispered. "Hanna!" she tried again. The blonde continued to dream peacefully, her breathing even.

"Let me try," Spencer muttered groggily. "Wake up!" she said, hitting the blonde with a pillow. Spencer smiled sleepily, proud of her accomplishment.

"Ow!" Hanna groaned, her eyes still closed and her mouth set in a frown.

"Your phone is buzzing," Aria snapped irritably. Hanna rubbed her eyes and saw that it was only five in the morning. The looks on both Aria and Spencer's face, let Hanna know that they were not happy about the wake up call.

"Who's sending me a message at this time?" she grumbled. Fumbling with her phone, Hanna opened the message and felt her heart instantly freeze. "It's from A," she whispered.

"What?" Spencer exclaimed. She and Aria both rushed to Hanna's side, peering over her shoulder and clutching each other fiercely. It had been months since they had heard from "A". Part of them knew that the peace they had been granted was only short lived. But another part of them had truly hoped that everything was over and they could finally breath again.

"Oh my God," Aria shuddered as she waited for Hanna to open the message. Hanna took a deep breath before clicking the button and letting her eyes scan the message.

"Emily?" she uttered brokenly, as a picture of the brunet appeared on her screen. Her eyes blurred as she recognized Emile in an embrace with a redhead. The two girls were kissing, the redhead's hands on Emily's face and Emily's own hands on the redhead's shoulders.

"Oh…" Aria muttered.

"What the fuck?" Hanna choked. Spencer put an arm around Hanna comfortingly.

"Maybe it's not what it looks like. Maybe, maybe A is messing with us," Spencer offered.

"Messing with us?" Hanna exclaimed. "How is this… how could she even set this up?" she felt hot tears make their way down her face. The hurt was running through her veins like fire and the shock had hit her like ice. She found that she was lost in the sea of smoke that now remained.

"I don't know," Aria bit her lip worriedly.

"I'm sure Emily has an explanation," Spencer spoke up again, her eyes dull, but her voice feigning hope. The reappearance of "A" was bad enough, but now Hanna and Emily's relationship was on the line as well. Things had the potential to get messy.

"An explanation…" Hanna laughed humorously. "Right," she rolled her eyes.

"This is Emily we're talking about," Aria said, her mouth suddenly set in a determined line. "Emily would never hurt you Hanna," she added.

"Then why the hell do I feel like this?" she cried softly. Not knowing what else to say, Aria and Spencer silently wrapped their arms around Hanna and hugged her gently.

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"What are you doing?" Leah asked, clearing her throat.

" Calling Hanna," Emily muttered distractedly. The clock on her phone read 8:04 AM and Emily couldn't wait another second.

"Wait! Are you going to tell her?" Leah asked.

"I think so," Emily replied, looking up to meet Leah's eyes. The other girl looked at her with concern but remained silent. "What?" Emily demanded, noticing that Leah was holding something back.

"Nothing. You should do what you think is right," she shrugged.

"Leah…" Emily prodded.

"Just- I don't know. I don't know Hanna. But I know that if someone I was dating told me that someone kissed them, right after I had told them the same thing, I would think they were trying to get back at me," she explained.

"Hanna knows that I'm not like that," Emily argued.

"Jealousy is a powerful thing. It can make people… different," Leah replied.

"I guess," Emily considered carefully.

"Look, do what you want. You know Hanna better than me. Maybe she won't jump to the wrong conclusion. Maybe she's really secure," Leah said with a smile. Emily felt her throat close fearfully at Leah's words. Hanna was a lot of things, but secure wasn't one of them.

"Fuck," Emily swore. Her head and her heart were conflicting and she had no idea what she should do. The fact that she couldn't even talk to Hanna in person made things all the more difficult.

"Whoa. Did saint Emily just curse?" Leah chuckled. "I've clearly underestimated how upset you are," she added.

"Shut up," Emily smirked.

"Oh my God. Now she's getting sassy," Leah replied. "Who is this pissed off badass?" she continued.

"You're an idiot," Emily laughed, throwing a pillow at her.

"No. I'm a dork," Leah corrected. "Caitlin is an idiot," she clarified.

"Caitlin is a-" The icy glare on Emily's face made it apparent that whatever she had to say about Caitlin wouldn't be nice.

"Hey now, cool it with the cursing. People are gonna think I've corrupted you," Leah interrupted. Emily giggled and let herself enjoy the moment. But her eyes continued to drift to her phone and her heart continued to beat with fear.

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"Emily," Hanna uttered emotionlessly,

"Hey! What's up?" Emily spoke into her phone, slipping her shoes off and plopping on to her bed. She had just arrived home from Leah's house. She had messaged Hanna and asked her to call when she had the time. The blonde had called almost immediately.

"Nothing," Hanna swallowed. "What about you?" she asked.

"I just got home," she answered.

"From where?" Hanna asked in a clipped tone.

"I slept at Leah's house. We ended up going to a party for a little bit last night," she explained easily.

"Yeah. I know," Hanna bit out. Emily raised an eyebrow at Hanna's words.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked in confusion.

"I know what you did last night," Hanna warned. The words were followed by the sound of a dial tone. Emily shut her eyes tightly and bit her lip. She had been right to expect the worst. She had been right to think that things couldn't be simple. Her life would never be simple.

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	8. I Love You

**Authors Note **I am so so so sorry for the long wait. I truly appreciate the continued support and encouragement. I do plan to finish this story. I hit a road block, but I'm back. So please let me know what you think about this chapter. Again, I appreciate all of the kind words and I apologize for the long wait. Thank you!

**Chapter 8 : I Love You**

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"I know what you did last night..."

"What do you mean?" Emily stuttered, her voice weak and unarmed.

"I got a message from A this morning," Hanna explained, her words biting and clipped. Emily's initial fear was momentarily overridden by Hanna's mention of "A". The single syllable and all that it implied, was enough to stop her heart cold.

"She's back? Oh my God, Hanna. What did she say?" she spoke with urgency, a fog of chaos swarming her mind.

Emily felt frozen along her edges, but her insides were humming with terror. It was almost as though she had been waiting with baited breath for something to happen. For something to stab against her gut and spill every ounce of happiness she had managed to retain. No matter how many miles she put between herself and Rosewood, she could never escape the darkness. She could never escape the lies and the questions, and the all consuming fear.

"She didn't say anything," Hanna snapped. "She let the picture do all the talking," she added bitterly.

"What picture?" Emily swallowed, her gut clenching in anticipation. Her insides waiting to empty themselves of light and joy, leaving her empty and alone. Hopelessly alone.

"You..." she replied stonily. "And some redhead," she added icily. Emily felt her stomach drop and cold beads of sweat sprung against the skin of her for head. Her entire body tensed to the point of discomfort.

"Hanna please," she begged, her voice desperate and longing. Her heart, much like her voice, was unarmed and unprepared. She was raw and vulnerable. She was lost.

"You kissed some Ginger Spice wanna be at a party!" she accused, no longer controlling the anger that was running through her veins. Emily let her eyes fall shut and she flinched at the palpable venom in Hanna's words.

Emily had witnessed Hanna's transformation in the months that followed Alison's death. She had watched her shed weight and harvest fire. Hanna had slipped into Alison's role effortlessly as she walked the halls, following her high heeled path with precision. But Hanna could never truly mirror Alison. She could never embody the ruthlessness or take joy in destruction. Hanna was kind hearted and sweet, her presence laced with softness and light.

But that light was gone from her voice now, and it tore Emily apart to know that she had been the one to steal it.

"I don't know how this happened or why, but please believe me when I tell you that I would never betray you," she began, her voice clear and strong. Every ounce of Emily's energy and strength was holding her together, keeping her from crumbling into a thousand shattered pieces. "The picture you saw was not what it looked like," she continued.

"So you didn't kiss her?" Hanna challenged doubtfully.

"She kissed me! And I pushed her away," she exclaimed, her words laced with frustration.

"You had your hands on her shoulders and your lips on... her lips," Hanna argued weakly. The quiet, defeated tone of her voice, made Emily's heart ache painfully. The echo of her pain was worse than the preceding venom, worse that anything. She hated knowing that Hanna was hurting.

"It was just a picture Hanna. One second in time, that's all. If she had sent you a video, you would have seen me pushing Caitlin away!" she promised.

"Caitlin..." Hanna scoffed.

"She was drunk and stupid and I just, I didn't expect her to kiss me. I was caught off guard but, the second that I realized what was happening, I pushed her away. I swear Hanna, I pushed her away," she explained sadly.

"I want to believe you," Hanna whispered fragilely.

"Then believe me," Emily insisted.

"I just, I don't understand why you didn't tell me. I had to find out from that bitch A," she noted unhappily.

"I was going to tell you. I was, I was just trying to figure everything out. I didn't want to hurt you," she swallowed, her eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"Well, I am hurt. I'm really, really hurt!" Hanna choked, sucking in a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry. But we can't let this tear us apart," she pleaded, hot tears finally falling across her cheeks.

"I need some time," Hanna uttered quietly.

"Time?" Emily stuttered nervously.

"I need to think and... I don't know," she sighed.

"I love you," Emily breathed emotionally.

"I know," Hanna nodded. "And I love you. You're my best friend. But maybe we jumped into this relationship too fast. Maybe we were never meant to be more than friends," she continued stoically.

"You don't mean that," she cried.

"I just need some time to think," she repeated.

"Hanna, I love you. I'm in..." her voice was urgent and desperate.

"I'll call you later," Hanna interrupted softly. "Bye Em," she whispered.

"I'm in love with you," Emily muttered, the sound of the dial tone slicing through her heart.

**00000 00000 00000**

"More ice cream..." Hanna muttered miserably. Spencer and Aria exchanged a worried glance before slowly prying the spoon from Hanna's hand. Her mouth was set in a pretty pout and her blue eyes drooped sadly.

"I think you have had enough," Spencer replied carefully.

"You're gonna OD on sugar," Aria noted, her eyes wide and disturbed.

"If I don't keep eating, then I'm just gonna cry!" she argued.

"You were crying while you were eating. It was gross," Spencer shivered at the memory. Aria whacked her arm gently and shot her a disapproving glare. As they exchanged argumentative glances, Hanna scrolled through her phone, reading several long and detailed messages that she had received from Emily earlier that day. Along with the messages she had called several times and left several voice mail messages.

"Don't be mean to me. My heart is broken," Hanna pouted.

"Oh, please. You and Emily are totally gonna kiss and make up," Aria assured her. "And it's still sort of bizarre that I mean that literally," she added thoughtfully. Hanna blushed and bit her lip shyly.

"Shut up," she muttered.

"Is Emily a good kisser?" Spencer wondered curiously.

"What?" Hanna spouted, her eyes large and saucer like. Aria giggled as she looked between Hanna and Spencer, the latter of which was staring innocently.

"Just wondering," she shrugged calmly.

"Oh my God..." Hanna sighed in exasperation.

"It's gonna be so weird to see the two of you kissing," Aria noted, her eyebrows scrunching in consideration.

"We're in the middle of a fight and the two of you are picturing us kissing?" she scoffed.

"Kinky," Spencer teased.

"I'm crying into a bowl of ice cream and this is the support I get? I need new friends!" Hanna groaned.

"You made out with your other friends," Aria mentioned. "That leaves us and Mona. I think we win," she grinned.

"Bite me," she snapped.

"I believe that's Emily's job," Spencer mused.

"Seriously? Ugh!" Hanna squealed in frustration, covering her face with a pillow. "I hate you both," she muttered,her words muffled slightly.

"You love us. And you looove Emily," Aria sang. "So just stop being stubborn and forgive her," she continued knowingly.

"I can't," she mumbled.

"Why not?" Spencer challenged.

"Because, because I think I'm in love with her. And she lives thousands of miles away. And we have a psycho bitch out to get us. And I'm terrible when it comes to relationships. And it will never ever work..." she rambled.

"Never say never," Spencer shrugged.

"Don't quote Justin Bieber to me! You know I have a weakness for him," she grumbled.

"You are being stubborn. Don't let your fear stop you from taking a chance. You and Emily have something special. And maybe you will crash and burn. But maybe you won't. Either way, Spencer and I will be here for you... for both of you," Aria comforted her gently.

"But what if this thing with Emily and I, what if it ruins things between all of us?" she wondered.

"It won't," Spencer insisted.

"You don't know that. Relationships are hard. And people get hurt. Don't you think the four of us have been hurt enough as it is. We can't start hurting each other," Hanna whispered.

"I think it's too late to worry about that Han," Aria shrugged.

"Yeah. I mean, you and Emily... there's no going back," Spencer rationalized.

"I guess," she shrugged. "I'm just scared," she continued nervously.

"You're one of the bravest people I know Hanna. Don't let your fear stop you. You're better than that," Aria proclaimed surely.

"And don't let A win!" Spencer added.

"Yeah! Show the bitch that we're stronger than anything she can throw at us," Aria added. Hanna sniffed quietly and chuckled, her eyes sparkling for the first time in hours.

"You two should be motivational speakers or something," she laughed.

"Does that mean you're gonna forgive Em," Aria wondered.

"I was never really mad at her," she admitted. "I was just hurt..." she continued quietly.

"Call her!" Spencer urged. "Talk to her. Fix things. Maybe take a shower," she added, her nose twitching slightly.

"I'm not gonna call her," Hanna decided.

"What? But I thought, I thought we got through to you!" Aria whined.

"You did," Hanna smiled. "I'm not gonna call her because, I'm gonna go see her," she explained excitedly.

"You're gonna... how?" Aria stuttered.

"I'm gonna get on a plane, fly to Texas, and tell Emily that I love her. Face to face," she grinned.

"Hanna I don't know..." Spencer sighed.

"I'm going," she declared firmly.

"I think our motivation took a wrong turn somewhere," Spencer uttered.

**00000 00000 00000**

"She found out," Emily muttered miserably.

"What are you talking about Em?" Leah wondered, tugging on a strand of Emily's hair fondly.

"Hanna found out about the kiss," she clarified.

"You told her?" she uttered, her eyes wide and serious. Emily collapsed on Leah's bed, closing her eyes and sighing deeply.

"She found out," she repeated, knowing that she couldn't tell Leah about A or Allison, or any of the insanity that surrounded her life. "And now she hates me," she continued sadly.

"She does not hate you. No one in this world could possibly hate you. You're an angel," Leah assured her, a soft smile gracing her lips.

"I hurt her," Emily whispered.

"You didn't mean to," Leah reasoned. "She'll forgive you," she insisted.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"What exactly did she say?" she wondered.

"She said that she needed time to think," Emily replied quietly.

"Oh..." Leah winced.

"Oh? What does that mean?" Emily sat up her eyes large with panic.

"Nothing," Leah scoffed.

"You said, oh. Like... oh! That means something," Emily pressed.

"I just... sometimes when people say they need time to think, they really just need time to build up the courage to end things," she bit her lip hesitantly.

"I knew it. She hates me. And she's gonna break up with me, even though we were never really officially together. Which was also stupid. I should have told her that I wanted to be with her and only her. I never should have left things so blurry," Emily cried.

"I could be wrong. I don't even know Hanna," she comforted.

"No, no you're right. I blew it," she sniffled.

"Honey, maybe this is for the best. Maybe the two of you should just be friends," she suggested.

"I don't know how to just be friends anymore," Emily breathed. "She's everything..." she continued quietly.

**00000 00000 00000**

"I can't believe we are doing this," Spencer mentioned softly, rolling her eyes.

"I can't believe we aren't telling our parents," Aria hissed.

"We will tell them," Hanna insisted, a smile tugging at her lips. "After we get to Texas, we'll tell them," she shrugged innocently.

"I highly doubt that a delayed phone call about flying across the country will put their minds at ease," Spencer pointed out wisely.

"Or stop them from grounding us forever," Aria muttered in irritation.

"I never asked either of you to come with me," Hanna snapped.

"Uh, yes you did!" Aria argued.

"You said, and I quote, please come with me!" Spencer noted.

"I get airplane sick," Aria mocked.

"Shut up. I didn't hold a gun to your heads," Hanna grumbled.

"Don't say the G word while we're on a plane dummy. Security is extremely strict," Spencer whispered harshly.

"Sorry," she replied halfheartedly.

"Maybe you should call Em and let her know we're coming," Aria suggested.

"The whole point of a surprise visit is for it to be surprising," Hanna argued.

"Well, we have already surprised our parents by skipping town. We surprised my bank account by borrowing from my savings. I think this visit has hit the surprise quota," Spencer uttered sarcastically.

"I said I would pay you back," she muttered.

"And I'm collecting right now. At least let Emily know that you aren't angry anymore," she insisted.

"Yeah. Don't make her suffer," Aria agreed.

"Fine..." Hanna sighed, pulling out her phone and finding Emily's name. "I want to try and work things out," she typed quickly before sending the message and smiling to herself. She was going to see Emily. Finally.

**00000 00000 00000**

"I'm gonna go get some snacks," Leah mentioned, ruffling Emily's hair and walking towards the door.

"Chocolate," Emily requested.

"But of course madam," she smiled softly. Just as Leah shut the door, Emily's phone buzzed. She looked at the screen and saw that she had received a message from Hanna.

"I want to try and work things out..." she read out loud. She bit her lip in excitement and pressed several buttons in an effort to call Hanna. As the second ring sounded, her phone beeped three times and the line went dead. "What the hell?" she muttered. She examined her phone to find that her battery had died.

"Do you want popcorn too?" Leah called.

"Sure," she called back absentmindedly. "Can I borrow your phone?" she added.

"Huh?" Leah replied.

"I just need to make a call," Emily replied. "How do you use this thing," she sighed, toying with Leah's phone un surely.

"Em, no!" Leah snapped, running into the room and breathing deeply. She stared at Emily with a horrified expression as the brunette's face scrunched in distaste

"What the..." she trailed off in surprise, her eyes glued to the phone screen as a familiar picture appeared.

"Emily, I can explained!" she insisted.

"It was you! You sent Hanna the picture!" she exclaimed.

**.**

**.**

**.**


End file.
